Surrender in Layers: Not One and Done
A devotional by Christine Monteiro
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”—Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)
I learned to surrender my parenting rights and concerns to God when I sent my girls from Indonesia to the United States of America last year.
I knew I needed to let go as they grow up, find their way, and spread their wings. I thought that when I had the funeral for my husband, that would be my last surrender.
I thought surrender was a one-time graduation. It turns out that it is more like a subscription model with no cancel button. It keeps going throughout my life. That subscription of surrendering comes with a manual book (The Holy Bible). Reading the Bible will comfort you as you learn how to maintain that subscription.
Recently, I accepted an invitation to meet someone. It was an impromptu invitation, and at first, I was too lazy to go. I just want to spend my Sunday resting and enjoying my alone time. I didn’t plan to go anywhere, but I went anyway. When I arrived, the only available seat was in front of him. I had no other choice, so I sat in front of him. At first glance, I liked what I saw. I liked his knowledge as a Christian; he knows what he is talking about. That attracted me because I was hoping to meet someone who doesn’t only to say he is a Christian, but a man who understands and fears God.
I thought this could be a potential new life partner. Maybe this is what redemption looks like—new love after loss. There was a little hope that maybe he is the one. Much speculation played around in my mind. There are lots of ifs. Long story short, we got hooked quickly. In the beginning, we had a good relationship since we both spoke the same language of ministry. Yet, I wasn’t expecting the tension. He said he loved God. I thought that would mean he’d understand my story and even honor it. But suddenly, the pictures of my late husband made him uneasy. My posts about grief made him feel as if he was walking in my late husband’s shadow and this caused my new love interest to feel small. I didn’t know how to respond because I hadn’t realized I still had so many deep ties to what used to be.
It wasn’t about clinging to the past. I had spent years letting go of routines, security, and the man who held my heart. But now I was being asked to let go again, this time of my solitude. My space. The quiet I had worked so hard to rebuild, and it felt like too much. Like I was being asked to evict a memory just to welcome someone who hadn’t yet earned that space. This hurt me not because it was wrong, but because it was real. This was another layer of surrender. One I didn’t know I’d held so tightly.
I realized something uncomfortable: This wasn’t a surrender like the ones I’d done before. This time, I wasn’t grieving a loss. I was resisting a new beginning. And the resistance wasn’t coming from tragedy … it was coming from me holding onto the past and at the same time, trying to protect my peace in the present.
I had grown used to doing life on my terms. It was a quiet and predictable lifestyle that was all mine. But now, God was asking for something new: space for someone else. Space that used to be sacred, now needs to be shared. And I didn’t want to give it up, not because I didn’t care about this new man, but because I didn’t want to lose myself in the process. In the Bible, the Apostle Paul talks about “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead”. That’s not about erasing our past; it’s about loosening our grip on it so we can receive what’s next. I wasn’t betraying my late husband by making room for this new relationship. I was obeying God by trusting Him with the next chapter in the story of my life.
I thought I was just being asked to let go of cherished memories, but I was being asked to let someone into my life. And that kind of surrender felt scarier than grief. I had become so good at doing life alone that I didn’t realize how tightly I was holding onto it. Peace had become my protector. Routine had become my comfort. Now, love was asking me to trade those things in for uncertainty, for compromise, for presence. It was a new layer of surrender that I didn’t see coming.
Surrender doesn’t always come wrapped in loss. Sometimes it comes in disguise as opportunity, like love. As someone knocking on your door, asking for a place at the table. And in those moments, we get to decide if we trust God enough to say yes.
Let’s Pray:
Dear Father in Heaven,
I thank You for your love in my life. Your never-ending love brings me the security that I need. Even though sometimes as a human, I am longing for more. But I am glad that you never fail to show me your love that is pure and unconditional. Help us to see how much You love humankind. Teach us how to reflect on our lives. Show us how to surrender to You in every aspect of our life. It is not easy but with time and revelation from You, we are able to give all to You. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to surrender, but we know that is because You love us. Teach us to be more discerning and sensitive to your voice. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Song of Reflection #1: “Without You” by Parachute Band. Listen to it here.
Song of Reflection #2: “Press On” by Selah. Listen to it here.
Song of Reflection #3: “I Surrender All” by Clay Crosse. Listen to it here.
Song of Reflection #4: “I Surrender” by Hillsong Worship. Listen to it here.
~*~
Author Bio:
Christine Monteiro is a certified transformative coach, writer, and keynote speaker who is passionate about helping others navigate the complexities of purpose, personal growth, and resilience.
Christine’s journey to becoming a coach started four years ago, following the loss of her husband to brain cancer. That experience left her feeling as though she had lost her purpose—a feeling she deeply understands in clients who she works with now. Through self-discovery and training, Christine found the missing pieces in her life and regained her purpose and drive that now motivates her to help others.
Christine coaches her clients from all walks of life—from young adults to retirees—helping them to embrace change, set meaningful goals, and confidently pursue their dreams. She has received training through Creative Results Management and holds credentials from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Christine also has certifications in Positive Psychology and Mental Health Coaching from Yale and Light University. Her diverse approach to coaching her clients combines empathy with strategic insight, helping them to navigate every stage of life.
When she writes, Christine likes to focus on topics like finding purpose, coping with grief, and achieving personal transformation. As she writes, Christine draws from her own experiences as a single mom and empty nester. She enjoys sharing these insights on various platforms to reach a wider audience and foster community support.
When not coaching or writing, Christine spends her time sipping black coffee and swimming in the pool. She has found that having three independent children gives her a privilege to have a lot of “me time” that she didn’t have when they were growing up.
