Devotionals for the Heart: Why we need to choose our friends wisely

Why We Need to Choose Our Friends Wisely
A devotional by Leslie Bake

“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”—Proverbs 12:26 (NIV)

Who we spend our time with determines who we become.

Birds of a feather flock together. Those who share similar values are drawn to one another and will influence each other.

My social circle in sixth grade consisted of two girls. We will call them “Carrie” and “Grace.” In seventh grade, a friend I had known in elementary school transferred to my school. We will call her “Mary.” Grace came from divorced parents and her mother lived in another state. Carrie came from a turbulent home. The four of us always ate lunch together.

Eventually, our personality differences in our friend group emerged. Mary and I were academically better than the other two and she was better socially. By seventh grade, Mary and I were two peas in a pod. The summer before our eighth-grade year, she lost her mother to breast cancer. She drifted from me during eighth grade and spent more time with Grace. It made sense. They were both motherless.

I took her rejection personally because I lacked the maturity to realize what was happening. “Carrie” was furious at our four-some split and clung to me while demonizing the other two. I allowed Carrie to define me and followed her down an unfortunate path of bad choices during high school. During our sophomore year of high school, Carrie introduced me to her boyfriend, a short-lived relationship. I thought nothing of him at that time, but a year later, he and I landed in the same chemistry class.

As a junior in high school, I had yet to understand who Jesus Christ was or my identity in Him, even though I followed my parents to church on Sundays. Does any average American teenager know who he or she in Christ? Does he or she spend time reading The Holy Bible? Social relationships at that age are defined less by religious values and more by academics and extracurricular activities.

This guy and I dated, but for all wrong reasons and then said “I do” for wrong reasons. He mocked the Lord and I wanted to change his beliefs so that he would honor the Lord. That didn’t work so well.

We followers of Jesus need to remind ourselves in any stage of life and relationship forming that, as Scripture says in Psalm 1:1-2 (NIV), “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.” We will live blessed, joyful lives if we form deeper relationships with those who are also believers.

We need to walk away from the wicked. We need to remove ourselves from the company of those who mock the Lord. We must not walk in step with the wicked or entertain those with hardened hearts toward the Lord. They have no intention to repent to God and ask forgiveness for their sins. They enjoy their sins.

Does this feel judgmental? Perhaps stay in bad relationships because we think: What if they feel rejected? What if we make a bad impression? What if this costs us a job? If we are studying and meditating on God’s word, we will not want to be in the company of mockers or the wicked.

Our job as believers is to influence others for the Lord, not to allow others to influence us with their deception, false beliefs and bad attitudes. How do we discern if our time with those who don’t know the Lord is benefiting them or hurting us? It’s either one or the other.

Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in discerning who to spend time with and who to avoid. Clarity will come when you have spent enough time with the Lord because He may remove individuals from your circle of influence. Godly friends will encourage you to draw closer to God rather than hinder your relationship with Him. The Holy Spirit in you will attract other righteous people and repel those with less than pure motives. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s protecting your peace.

Some of us have a tendency to form toxic relationships based on our own neediness and dysfunction. That’s why our relationship with Jesus Christ must be our top priority. Everything else in our lives flows from this source of our Savior’s unconditional, pure and enduring love for humankind.

The challenge, then, is to develop the discipline of consistent study and meditation. That’s not so easy, even for those who are actively pursuing a deeper relationship with the Lord. In an age of sound bites, headlines, Instagram reels, and social media scrolling, meditating requires reading, thinking, and reviewing what we are learning in God’s Word (The Holy Bible). It also means praying about how we must change and grow so we will live how God lead us and wants us to live.

Some relationships were never meant to be long term. The Lord brings relationships into our lives for a season—sometimes to test us, other times to minister to us. Proverbs 12:26 also reminds us that the righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Carrie and I kept in contact during my undergraduate college years. She did not attend college. During a challenging period of my young adult life, she disappeared and I haven’t heard from her in 30 years. Grace disappeared after high school graduation. Mary lives in the Midwest, and I live in the southeast, but we message each other regularly and giggle like we’re in seventh grade again. Our “feathers” never changed.

The Lord also taught me a hard lesson in that first marriage: Don’t ever date or marry someone who does not already honor the Lord. Walk away from the wicked and don’t look back. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and make better choices for your own life as you strive to live for Christ.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help us make wise choices in who we surround ourselves with, who we choose to spend time with and who we date and marry. Help us to develop a hunger for Jesus as our Savior, first, before our relationships with humans. Help us make You a higher priority, even if that results in loneliness. Thank You, Lord, that You remain a safe place for us. Your unconditional love and faithfulness for humankind is endless. Thank You, Lord! Protect us from anyone trying to manipulate us into a friendship that benefits only them and leads us away from You. Build our circle of friends, Lord. Bless us with true friendships with people who genuinely love You and love us in a healthy and safe way. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

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Song of Reflection #1: “Friends” by Michael W. Smith. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #2: “Safe” by Alisa Turner. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #3: “Friend of God” by Israel Houghton & Churchome Music. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #4: “How Beautiful” by Twila Paris. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Leslie Bake grew up Lutheran in Des Moines, graduated from the University of Northern Iowa with an undergraduate degree in English, and with a new understanding of what a relationship with the Lord could look like. 

She spent a few years reporting and editing in small town journalism and then began pursuing a master’s degree at Iowa State University in teaching English to speakers of other languages. Then she got married and later went through a divorce, which deepened her relationship with God and transformed her life.

Leslie taught English as a second language for three years at Kansas State University, then returned to writing and earned a master’s degree in creative non-fiction in Pittsburgh. Her memoir will eventually be published. It details the process of how the Lord created beauty from the ashes of divorce.

Pittsburgh is also where she met and married her second husband. They are now the parents of two wonderful children—one in fifth grade and one in first grade.

Leslie and her husband make their home in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. Leslie has been a stay-at-home mom for the past 11 years and actively growing her writing career alongside her two growing children.

She now maintains a monthly blog of her own and is working toward expanding her writing ministry on Substack. Her heart’s deepest desire is to help others connect with God through writing.

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Connect with Leslie:
Substack: lesliebake.substack.com
E-mail address: Leslie.bake@yahoo.com