Devotionals for the Heart: How to comfort people who are deep in grief

Comfort for those who grieve
A devotional by Kayla de Jong

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”—Galatians 5:13 NIV

As someone who lost four family members in about a year’s time, I’m no stranger to grief and how it affects a person, their relationships, their health, and their outlook on life. Therefore, I would like to share some advice on comforting those in your life who are also experiencing grief.

My advice is based on my own experience and biblical concepts, but keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. This means that listening is key, not just to the words someone says but also their tone and noticing what things they are not saying.

Begin by gently asking what your loved one needs and desires in their time of mourning then brainstorm ways to meet those needs and desires that are realistic and foster an attitude of hope and healing for both of you. Remember: Everyone processes grief at a different pace. Don’t rush someone through their grief or make them feel like they are grieving incorrectly. True and total healing comes from God. It is not something we can rush or force. God is not afraid of a person showing raw emotions or having weak moments because He foresees it all.

God is the best Comforter. Point the griever back to Him because God is the only way in which a hurting person can find ultimate healing, relief, joy and peace. Reassure the griever that they are not alone. God is omnipresent. Remind them that the lessening of grief as time passes does not signify a lessening of love for the deceased person.

Suggestions of helpful questions to ask your grieving loved one are:

How are you doing emotionally?

How are you doing physically?

How are you doing spiritually?

How are you doing relationally?

Instead of saying the cliché, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help”, offer specific help. Ask questions like: “What household chores can I do for you?” or “May I run any errands for you?” or “I’d love to cook dinner for you. What’s your favorite meal?”

The following activities may be beneficial to a grieving person. You can offer to do these things with that person but be respectful and don’t take it personally if that person prefers to do these activities solo (or not at all).

Here’s a shortlist of activities that may help someone who is grieving:

#1: Write down memories of the deceased loved one to ensure the memories won’t be forgotten.

#2: Make a scrapbook about the deceased loved one.

#3: Keep a grief journal to process thoughts and pray to God, pouring out your heart before Him because He will send His Holy Spirit to comfort you.

Of course, praying for and with a hurting person is encouraging. This can be true even if the griever is not a Christian. Sometimes death opens a person’s heart to Jesus Christ and His free gift of salvation because they start thinking about eternity and life after death.

Many people find comfort in the words of Job (a book in the Bible) and in the Psalms (another book in the Bible). Here are some more verses that are worth sharing and memorizing: Romans 8:2, James 1:2-4, and Romans 15:13.

There will be moments when you and the person you are trying to help are frustrated with each other. You may find yourself wondering why you are even bothering to help. In moments like these, reflect on 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV, which says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Remember: God gives us the ability to comfort people who are hurting, and He calls us to do so. Whether you ever see the fruits of your labor or not, rest assured God sees your heart, your motives, and your obedience to Him.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord,

I know you call Your children to imitate Jesus Christ and His attributes, including kindness and compassion. Help me to be kind and compassionate to those who are hurting, even when I face rejection. Let me point hurting people to You. Thank You for comforting me as only You can. In Jesus’s Name I pray. Amen.

Song of Reflection: “Reason for the World” by Matthew West. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Hi! I’m Kayla de Jong! 

I’ve lived in Indiana my whole life and was blessed to have been raised in a Christian household. I have an associate degree in library science and have worked in various libraries for over six years. I love reading and writing!

I have mostly written poems, some of which were published in the compiled works of a local writers guild. I am in the middle of seeking a new career. I would love to be an author, artist, or journalist. But most of all, I would love to be a stay-at-home mom someday.

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Connect with Kayla:
E-mail: kaylagmcdaniel@gmail.com