Devotionals for the Heart: How to heal after a relationship wounded you

Relationships After Woundedness
A devotional by Christine Monteiro

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

—Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Starting a relationship is never easy, especially after you are used to being alone or when you grow into knowing who you are and your worth. Sometimes, I used to wonder why the smallest things would trigger silence or sarcasm in a relationship.

Why does the love he talked about feel more like a performance test that is so hard to pass? Then I realized I was standing in the fallout of someone else’s wound. A profound wound that can triggered easily.

Unhealed trauma doesn’t just live inside the person, it leaks. It leaks into conversations, into decisions, into love. And if you are not careful, it will start changing you too. In the beginning, I thought it was me because I was not used to a relationship and tend to feel foreign with new people in my life. Sometimes, I still hang on to the past. The nights began to feel heavy and draining. I felt like I was walking on eggshells because I had to think carefully before I speak or do something to prevent a quarrel or misunderstanding. I started to lose myself. I begin to crave peace. Suddenly, Hebrews 12:14-15 starts to make sense to me. It is an encouragement to make peace with everyone.

About 20 years ago, I joined a group called Beauty from Ashes for the first time. I joined that group because I knew I was broken and needed to be healed in so many areas of my life. I feel like I'm having a hard time relating to people, especially in a romantic relationship. I never felt enough love and was afraid of rejection. I was very sensitive. I get offended easily when I feel insecure. I realized I was suffering from that feeling. So, at that time, I wanted to grow and learn how to outgrow my insecurity. I needed to overcome my trauma and pull out the root cause of my insecurity.

The way I coped with relationships was I made excuses for the behavior of others toward me. I started adjusting myself to avoid their reactions. I tried to please everybody, even when I disagreed with them. Slowly but surely, I began to lose myself. Who I am and who I imagine myself to have become different people.

The Beauty from Ashes group session was brutal. It literally beat me up deeply, especially when it touched my childhood. I finally was able to find the root cause that made me suffer and unhappy with life. I thought if I loved them right, they would like me, and I can feel safe. But it's not a reward for our love. It's a surrender they must make to God. I started to seek and hold on to God more. I put my insecurity in then hands of Jesus Christ and learned how to trust Him more. I began to create boundaries and not let anybody use me or take advantage of my kindness. I learned that forgiveness didn't mean I had to stay. It meant I no longer allowed their pain to become my prison. Because sometimes, we never know that there are people who have more pain around us and we don't realize but then we blame ourselves.

Boundaries protect you. It's like building a fence around your house and you decide who can walk past it. It is the way to protect yourself. Because I am healed now, when I see the potential of somebody trying to hurt me or use me, I can immediately sense it and withdraw myself from such a relationship. You have the discernment for the toxic person. By having that discernment, you protect yourself from trouble.

Having a relationship with people who are wounded is not easy. If you are not equipped or willing to endure it, you can step out and pray for them and offer help, not when you are in the relationship. Some people struggle to recognize that they are wounded. Some become comfortable with their pain. It is God’s job to heal them. We have to put them in God’s hands to be healed. 

Let's Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, 

I am thankful that You sent us the Holy Spirit to be with us always. Thank You for the discernment that You give us when we listen to your Holy Spirit and trust our gut. I lift up people who hurt me—not in anger but in mercy. Heal what I cannot. Restore what I've lost. And teach me to walk in freedom, even when others choose to stay wounded. I am grateful to have you as my Healer. I pray that the Holy Spirit will comfort and heal those who are wounded. In Jesus's Name, I pray. Amen.

Song of Reflection #1: “Jesus is My Healer” by Gateway Worship. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #2: “Whisper of Your Grace” by Pulse Tracks. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #3: “You Restore My Soul” by New Wine Worship. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Christine Monteiro is a certified transformative coach, writer, and keynote speaker who is passionate about helping others navigate the complexities of purpose, personal growth, and resilience. 

Christine’s journey to becoming a coach started four years ago, following the loss of her husband to brain cancer. That experience left her feeling as though she had lost her purpose—a feeling she deeply understands in clients who she works with now. Through self-discovery and training, Christine found the missing pieces in her life and regained her purpose and drive that now motivates her to help others.

Christine coaches her clients from all walks of life—from young adults to retirees—helping them to embrace change, set meaningful goals, and confidently pursue their dreams. She has received training through Creative Results Management and holds credentials from the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Christine also has certifications in Positive Psychology and Mental Health Coaching from Yale and Light University. Her diverse approach to coaching her clients combines empathy with strategic insight, helping them to navigate every stage of life.

When she writes, Christine likes to focus on topics like finding purpose, coping with grief, and achieving personal transformation. As she writes, Christine draws from her own experiences as a single mom and empty nester. She enjoys sharing these insights on various platforms to reach a wider audience and foster community support.

When not coaching or writing, Christine spends her time sipping black coffee and swimming in the pool. She has found that having three independent children gives her a privilege to have a lot of “me time” that she didn’t have when they were growing up.

Thankful Thursdays: HOPE Eternal

It’s Thursday and I’m thankful for HOPE but not the kind of fleeting hope of the heart for things we want to have or experience here on Earth…I am thankful for the eternal hope that only accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior can give you.

What brought this on, you may ask?

So glad you asked! The answer is reflection. I’ve been reflecting on words about life and death that I’ve heard over the years and I’ve been thinking about what to say in response that would help people understand why there is hope eternal available to us but we have accept Jesus into our lives to have it.

My reflections that led me to write this blog post today are several. I remembered that one day in my first career as an educator, there was a teacher who told his students something that I still recall today. A student complained to the teacher about something he did that the student thought was unjust. The student cried out, “But that’s not fair!” to which the much older teacher who had been seasoned by life responded, “Life’s not fair and then you die!”

I also recall that time in the teacher’s lounge at a school where I as a substitute teacher (I worked as a "sub" before studying to become a full-time teacher). We were on lunch break. The conversation amongst the teachers in the lounge was about how to live longer and one of the male teachers who walked in on the conversation told his colleagues with a side helping of cynicism, “Everybody dies!” Then he walked out.

Finally, I recall a conversation that I had as an adult with an older friend. She told me that she doesn’t believe in life after death. She believes that after you die, that’s it ... No resurrection by Jesus Christ, no hope of Heaven or fear of hell. So she makes the most of every day because she believes that life is precious.

Now, what is wrong with these scenarios and real-life views? To the people who believe these views nothing is wrong with it for them because everybody is entitled to believe what they want. However, as a person whose life has been not only saved but enriched by a relationship with Jesus Christ, I cannot imagine what it’s like to live with no hope eternal.

I cannot imagine that I’d never see my loved ones who have died again because of the theory that there’s no life after death. I cannot imagine going through all the trials and tribulations here on Earth then knowing that after I die there’s no hope of Jesus Christ returning to Earth to take His faithful followers home to Heaven where we will live with Him in healthy, immortal bodies forever. I cannot imagine that God will not do what He says He will do in His Word (The Holy Bible). I cannot imagine God not keeping His promises to give us eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ (John 3:16) because the Bible says that God does not lie (Numbers 23:19) like we as mere mortals do sometimes.

Even before dying, I cannot imagine living without the hope in Jesus Christ that helps me survive and keeps me alive. He protects me from so much. He gives me hope in seasons of despair. He adds to my quality of life and helps me love others and treat others the way that I would want to be treated.

A verse that came to my mind when I was reflecting on all of this today is found in
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NIV) where followers of Jesus Christ are admonished to not grieve as those who “have no hope.” It addresses the grief process that we all experience when a loved one dies. Before closing, I’d like to share the entire passage with you:

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.”

In the midst of my reflections, God impressed me with a personal lesson. He showed me that when situations in my life or in the world around me become overwhelming and I feel like I’m sinking into despair, I should NOT feel hopeless. 

I realized that I have a choice: I can allow the issues of life to overwhelm me and feel hopeless OR I can choose to trust God who is Lord over ALL as I remember that no situation is ever hopeless because He is our Eternal Hope.

Please note: If any of you are dealing with chronic illness, depression, despair or any problem that makes you feel like you’re in the dark then do not only pray about, ask God to lead you to a medical professional who can help you. I’ve heard it said many times in real life and on social media that “It’s okay to talk to Jesus (Christ) and a therapist!” Don’t think that you have to handle the storms of life alone. You don’t! You have God and you can be under the care of people who God’s gifted on this Earth to be professional doctors, counselors, therapists, nutritionists, personal trainers…all to help you in every area of life!

In closing, I’d like to share this beautiful song by Terrian. It’s called “God with Us.” 

I hope that her kind, soothing voice will bless your heart and that the message in this song will help you get a glimpse of hope eternal!

Love,

Alexis A. Goring
Founder of "God is Love" blog

Thankful Thursdays: Lifelines

It’s Thursday and I’m thankful for lifelines!

According to Google, a lifeline is “a thing on which someone or something depends or which provides a means of escape from a difficult situation.”

God has placed people here on this earth to be there for us, people who we can turn to when we need help. For some, it may be your Mama or Papa. It may be your Grandma or Grandpa. It may be your Auntie or Uncle. It may be your cousin or closest friend. Sometimes, it may even be a professional counselor, therapist, psychiatrist or another licensed medical professional.

Did you know that as humans, we have a lifeline who will always be there for us? Professionals that you see face to face are limited to their office hours but God is available 24/7/365.

There’s a song by Mandisa called “Lifeline.” It is about how God is our greatest and most reliable lifeline. We can call on Him morning, noon and night. The Bible says that NOTHING can separate us from His love. 

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV) says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Now, this isn’t to discourage you from seeking professional help from another human who God placed on this Earth to help you. It’s okay to talk to Jesus AND a therapist (or another mental health professional).

I know that not everybody can afford to pay a professional to help you. So today, I’m including a list of resources that we have within the United States of America that can serve as your lifeline. I know that not all of y0u who read my blog live in America. I would encourage you to find resources within your home country that can be of service to you when you need help. But for those of you who live in the U.S.A. and need help, I hope that you will reach out to the trained professionals who operate the resources that I have listed below. Please note: A few of the resources I’ve listed are not free services but most on the list are free!

My prayer for you is that you won’t be afraid to seek help when you need it. If you’ve ever contemplated suicide, I’d caution you to NOT do it! Yes, it would end your pain but it would also end your hope, your future joy and everything that God wants to send into your life as a blessing. So please do NOT give up but do LOOK up to the One (GOD) who is ready and willing to help you through anything you’re going through! And if you feel like your prayers are not going past the ceiling and you need additional support, then reach out to the trained volunteers in the free services that I’ve listed below.

Please note: I’ve copied and pasted the words from my Google search for each resource with the exception of K-LOVE (I wrote that description).

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 Short List of Resources:

Resource “Crisis Text Line”: The free, 24/7, confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.
Website - https://www.crisistextline.org

Resource “K-LOVE” Christian Radio: Reach out to the K-LOVE Pastors, Prayer Ministry and Care Team who want to listen to you and pray for you.
Website - http://www.klove.com/ministry/prayer/

*You should be able to submit a prayer request online even if you live outside of the U.S.A.

Resource “Better Help” (not a free service): Online Therapy with a Licensed Counselor. Available Anytime, Anywhere You Need It. The Time is Now to Put Yourself First. Don't Wait, Start Therapy Today! Therapy On Your Schedule. 100% Private Environment. Make a Positive Change. Get Happy, Start Therapy. Therapy From Your Couch.
Website - https://www.betterhelp.com

Resource “Faithful Counseling” (not a free service): Affordable, Professional Counseling from a Biblical Perspective. Unlimited Counseling. Counselors Available 24/7. Professionally Licensed. Readily Accessible. Therapy Anytime, Anywhere. Types: Depression Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Counseling…
Website - https://www.faithfulcounseling.com

Resource “National Suicide Prevention Lifeline”: We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
Website - http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Resource “Hope Line”: Offering caring non-judgmental listening and referrals in times of crisis. Suicide.
Website - https://www.hopeline-nc.org/

Resource “Lines for Life”: We are here 24/7 with free, confidential, and anonymous help! Our highly trained staff and volunteers provide immediate assistance, compassionate support, and resource referrals that can put you on a path to healing. Texting on the Lifeline, Alcohol & Drug Helpline and Military Helpline is available 8am – 11pm PST daily. We’ll reply as soon as we open back up. Please remember help on the phone is always available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Website - https://www.linesforlife.org

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Closing Thoughts:

God loves you. Remember that. Reach out to Him. He’s only a prayer away and He’s more present in your life than you may think!

Be encouraged, friends.

Love,

Alexis A. Goring
Founder of “God is Love” blog

Summer Love: Kristen's story about an island, illness and therapy

Interview questions for Kristen Terrette, author of Time and Tide:

Alexis: Time and Tide is book number two in this series about Moanna Island. What is your story about? Is it a real island or purely make-believe? 

Kristen: Time and Tide is about a man named Chad who is going through a major recovery. After almost killing himself and someone else in a car accident, Chad is dealing with legal problems, addiction recovery therapy, and physical therapy if he ever wants to walk normally again. They have become a part of his everyday life. He moves to Moanna Island, near Savannah, GA, to begin working for his family’s company after having to put it off for two years during his rehabilitation. He meets Ryan. A free-spirited, local girl, who opens his eyes to love, something he’s never had, and Jesus, who he’s never known.

Moanna Island is a make-believe island, but I pull from my childhood memories of vacationing on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina to develop the island’s look, layout, and character. It’s a low country island, meaning it has lots of greenery, trees, marshland, and extreme low and high tides.

Alexis: What characters from book number one, Safe Harbor, have roles in this new novel? Briefly note who they are and describe the significance of their role.

Kristen: The main characters, Eva and Thad from the first book, as well as Eva’s daughter, Willow, make appearances in Time and Time. It’s a small island, so it would be hard not to run into people. This is especially true since Time and Tide’s heroine works at the South Bay General Store which is the local go-to for just about everything since a “chain” grocery store is pretty far away. However, the biggest link between the characters is that Ryan attends Thad and Eva’s church and has joined a church small group held at their house. Eva and Ryan are roughly the same age and have become great friends. Ryan leans on Eva for advice.

Alexis: Chad Cusher is your story’s hero. Tell us about him. Describe his looks, personality, and struggles. What is his most prominent flaw and his saving grace (if any)? 

Kristen: Chad considers himself a loner and attributes this to being an only-child and hiding himself away to conceal his addiction. But he’s finding he’s less of one as he gets further away from his addiction and closer to a relationship with God.

His most prominent flaw is, by far, his leg which was injured in his car accident. The muscle on it is horribly mis-shapened, and he has a nasty scar the size of his hand there. It’s also very painful which causes him to have a limp and attend physical therapy. Lucky for him, he resembles the actor Ryan Phillipe. He has short hair, but it’s a little longer on top and almost curly. He has pretty, green eyes and a great smile. He’s a former athlete and still works out, so, other than his leg, he’s in good shape.

Alexis: What is Chad addicted to and why?

Kristen: Chad is a recovering cocaine addict. Why? He says his years in therapy have helped him see that he never learned how to deal with his father’s death and the broken relationship they had. He has been clean for a few years when we meet him, but his past brings daily struggles his way. 

I know it is a harsh set of circumstances, but as an author, I don’t want to shy away from addiction, and God’s saving power from it.

Alexis: What role does faith in God play in your character’s lives? 

Kristen: God is another main character in my stories! Ryan is a believer, and God uses her as His instrument to open Chad’s eyes to Him. Chad has never attended church or been around someone who is as vocal about Jesus as Ryan is. He knows very little about Him and His salvation. So, while Ryan’s faith shows us obedience and being steadfast, Chad comes to faith in the story. We get a chance to see him become a child of God.

Alexis: It sounds like Chad is very troubled and therefore jaded. He doesn’t believe in the pursuit of happiness, including finding a woman to love. What is it about free-spirited Ryan Mason that makes his heart long for these things?

Kristen: Chad hasn’t been in love before, so he’s unaccustomed to any emotional ties and longings. In the past, he’d only ever loved drugs, and the way they helped him turn off his emotions, make him numb. So, meeting Ryan awakens something inside of him he’s never felt. He’s drawn to her and how she always seems joyful, even when the circumstances around her are anything but. He realizes later one reason he’s drawn to her is because she has Jesus. He’s drawn to the Light in her that brings her joy.

Alexis: Ryan is your story’s heroine. What she’s like? Describe her looks, personality, and heart.

Kristen: Ryan is beautiful without effort. She has wild, wavy, long blonde locks, making her look like she’s always just come off the beach. She wouldn’t be caught dead in heels. It’s just not her style. She’s a flip-flops and frayed jeans kind-of girl. She’s not into material things and fits the stereotype of an island local, maybe a secret Jimmy Buffet follower. She’s smart, but hasn’t been able to finish college because she’s moved home to help her dad with her sick brother. She loves Jesus and has strong moral boundaries. She’s loyal and, therefore, a great friend.

Alexis: Describe Chad and Ryan’s meet-cute on Moanna Island. Why was it special? 

Kristen: Well, Chad actually sees Ryan for the first time at his rehab center. He’s there for therapy appointments and doesn’t know it at the time, but Ryan is there to see her sick brother. He’s taken back by how beautiful she is with her loin’s mane of hair blowing in the wind as she enters the center. She doesn’t see him then, and he assumes he’ll never see her again. A few days later, once he’s on Moanna, he walks into the General Store, and she’s the one who greets him. He makes an epic fail of a first impression but is determined to hit the “do-over” button and make up for it. Of course, he does. 

Alexis: What would you say is Ryan’s deepest fear and happiest moment in this story? Explain.

Kristen: Deepest fear: She’s going to hinder Chad’s journey to Jesus. Happiest moment: When Chad tells her his salvation story.

Alexis: Ryan’s brother suffers from a mental illness. What were the challenges of writing such real issue, one that people like to avoid, into your story?

Kristen: My uncle was schizophrenic. Sadly, he’s passed away, but I was able to pull from my own experiences with him growing up, as well as my mother’s stories about him before he became sick. My uncle was a wonderful man and a believer in Jesus. I think I wanted to be sure I portrayed Ryan’s brother like my uncle. He was sick, but that was only a part of him. He was also loving and kind and funny.

Alexis: Ryan’s joy draws Chad in but what makes him stay and fall in love?

Kristen: Ryan is fun and adventurous. Chad usually hides himself away and only has a few friends. Ryan is fun and extroverted, and he realizes he sees things differently when she’s around. He’s also incredibly attracted to her. They both comment on the electricity that ignites when they touch!

Alexis: What was your favorite adventure that you created for Ryan and Chad? Share details of what they experienced. 

Kristen: They go crabbing! When I was a kid, this was my most favorite thing to do on vacation. Crabs are unpredictable and smelly, but they provided me with some great opportunities for a few laughs.

Alexis: What is the Cusher Empire? Sounds fancy. How serious is it?

Kristen: Chad’s dad started a company that is now bigger than big. It’s real estate/investment/commercial development firm that spans the whole Southeast. It’s a company that builds malls, golf courses, and more. Chad’s the only son and sole heir.

Alexis: How will Chad’s “empire” inheritance affect his relationship with Ryan?

Kristen: He doesn’t think it has to at all, but she gets tripped up on it. She comes from a blue-collar family and can’t see how they’d be able to have much in common long term, can’t see how his family would be happy with her on his arm. It’s an insecurity Ryan has to deal with and try to overcome.

Alexis: What lesson do you want your readers to learn from this story?

Kristen: No one is too far from the reach of God. He can redeem and save even those who think they have no hope for redemption.

Alexis: Thanks for the interview, Kristen! Do you have any final comments?

Kristen: I would love to say thank you to my readers! You are allowing me to live my dream of telling stories! 

~*~
Author Bio:

Kristen Terrette has been an avid reader since childhood, a self-confessed book nerd, and always had characters running through her mind- ones she made up. She went back to school years ago to obtain a Master's degree in Theological Studies because she felt God's tug towards ministry, but she didn't know then what God had in mind. 

After five years on staff at her church, she followed God's leading to a different kind of ministry- one with words, love, pain, and real-to-life characters. She now stays at home during the day while the house is quiet writing stories she hopes will bring readers to a stronger understanding of how God works and His love for sinners like us. 

She always has contemporary romance characters and plots running through her mind and considers romance her first love...but she has a few amazing literary fiction novels up her sleeve as well. Both genres fight for time occupying her mind.

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Blurb for Kristen's book: Addictions destroy lives. Chad Cusher’s own dependencies change everything he thought he knew about his future. 

After almost killing himself and someone else, Chad’s legal problems, addiction recovery therapy, and physical therapy if he ever wants to walk normally again, are a part of his everyday life. He believes there is no chance at true happiness, certainly not love, and only hopes to become a better man than he was, to find redemption somehow.

Chad moves to Moanna Island, a small island close to Savannah off the Atlantic coast, to begin a job with his family’s real estate empire, a job he was supposed to have taken years ago.

Free-spirited Ryan Mason is a Moanna local girl from a blue-collar family. She’s dropped her own dreams to help her father care for her schizophrenic brother.

Their paths first cross at a Rehabilitation Center where Chad attends therapy and Ryan’s brother lives. Chad can’t believe his luck when he finds her on Moanna Island, forty-five minutes away from the Center, only days later.

Chad is drawn to Ryan’s joy, even through the pain and grief life tries to throw her way. His lonely void begins to dissipate with every island adventure spent with her. He soon finds out what her secret is. But is it possible to start over and be restored? Even so, can Ryan except Chad’s horrible, even criminal past? Can their crazy worlds ever fit together once she finds out he is the sole heir to the Cusher Empire?

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Buy Kristen's book on Amazon ~ Barnes and Noble ~ Kobo

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Connect with Kristen:
Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Instagram ~ Pinterest

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