Devotionals for the Heart: When staying silent hurts and doesn't help

When Silence Hurts
A devotional by Joyce M. Averils

*Note for the Reader: This devotional message mentions abuse and domestic violence. Take the care you need as you read it.

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“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

—Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

I still remember the day she came into my office.

As a former judge, one of my duties was issuing temporary protective orders for victims of domestic violence. One day, a pastor who I had already issued two protective orders for was back again for her third protective order.

I had previously advised her that it was not God’s intent that she live this way. No one had the right to beat her up whenever he felt like it, even if he was her husband. We even discussed how what she was going through was destroying her ministry, how her calling was being overshadowed by her pain. She nodded through tears and promised she would not allow him back into her life.

But she did. She sat before me once more, bruised in body and spirit, asking for another protective order. As we talked, she admitted something that no piece of paper could fix: She loved the man who abused her. This woman told me how exhausting it was to live a double life, preaching and smiling on Sundays as if everything was wonderful, but living in fear every other day of the week. She felt her ministry slipping away, and she was devastated.

In that moment, I realized her problem wasn’t just domestic violence. I issued another protective order for her, but I knew it wouldn’t be enough. Her root problem went deeper than what the law could fix.

Like so many women I’ve encountered as a judge and now as a coach, this pastor was struggling with low self-worth. She didn’t see herself the way God saw her. That lack of identity and confidence in Jesus Christ was chaining her to abuse, and it was keeping her from fulfilling her God-given destiny. Until she confronted that root issue, she would remain trapped in a cycle of pain.

We don’t like to admit it, but domestic violence exists in the church. There are women who sit in pews every Sunday, serving faithfully, smiling outwardly, but silently suffering behind closed doors. Some are married to men who use Scripture to control, manipulate, and even justify their violence.

Let’s be clear: This is not God’s design for marriage. Ephesians 5:25 (ESV) reminds us, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The love of Christ is sacrificial, protective, and life-giving. It is not harmful or abusive. Any teaching that suggests otherwise is a distortion of God’s Word.

The Lord has always shown His heart for the oppressed. Psalm 34:18 (NIV) says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God does not turn a blind eye to the suffering of His daughters. He calls the church to be His hands and feet, to stand against injustice, and to help set the captives free (Isaiah 61:1).

For women caught in abuse, the shame and fear can feel overwhelming. But your worth is not defined by what someone has done to you. Your worth is rooted in who you are in Christ. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are God’s workmanship, created for purpose (Ephesians 2:10). You are loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

If you are experiencing domestic violence, know this: You do not have to stay silent. You do not have to endure abuse in the name of marriage, ministry, or appearances. God values your life, your safety and your calling.

For those of us in the church, we must stop looking away. We must create safe spaces for women to speak up without judgment. We must educate ourselves and our congregations on what abuse looks like, including the subtle forms—emotional, financial, or spiritual—that often go unnoticed. We must be willing to walk alongside survivors with compassion and practical support.

The pastor who came into my courtroom needed more than a protective order. She needed to rediscover her worth in Christ. Healing didn’t start with a legal document; it started when she began to see herself as God’s beloved daughter, worthy of safety, dignity, and love.

That is the invitation to every woman reading this who feels trapped: God has not abandoned you. He is your refuge and strength, “an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1 NIV). There is life after abuse. There is hope for healing. And there is a future filled with purpose when you walk in your true identity in Christ.

This October, as we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let us remember the women sitting silently in our sanctuaries. Let us commit to being voices of truth, arms of comfort, and advocates for justice. Most of all, let us remind every woman who is hurting: God will never give up on you, and He has called you to live free.

Let’s Pray: Heavenly Father, we lift up every woman who is silently suffering from abuse. Remind her that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in Your sight, and worthy of love that mirrors Christ’s love for the church. Cover her with Your protection, surround her with people who will support her, and give her the courage to step into freedom. Heal every wound—seen and unseen—and restore her hope, peace, and purpose. In Jesus’s Name I pray. Amen.

Resource: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out for help: National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-7233 or text “BEGIN” to 88788 or visit thehotline.org

Song of Reflection #1: “The Healing Has Begun” by Matthew West. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #2: “Healing Now” by Katy Nichole. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Joyce M. Averils is an attorney by education and a retired judge who currently works as a Life Purpose and Business Empowerment Coach. 

She attended the University of South Carolina where she received her Bachelor of Arts degree in Humanities and Social Sciences, with a concentration in Political Science in May 1981. Upon graduation from the University, she attended The Ohio State University’s Moritz College of Law, where she graduated with a Juris Doctor degree in June 1984. Joyce was admitted to the Georgia Bar in November of 1984.

During her legal career, she served as the legal advisor for an episode of the American television program “Designing Women”. She also successfully argued a zoning case before the Georgia Supreme Court.

Today, she is the founder of Averils Omnimedia, LLC, which includes Her RICH Life Coaching, where she helps high-achieving women of faith create a purpose-aligned life and business through coaching programs, workshops, and retreats.

She recently launched 26th & Alden Paper Design House which will release its first paper product in 2025.

Joyce believes that God created women to do extraordinary things by walking fully in their purpose, calling, and assignment. She knows that each woman has a unique calling that only she can fulfill, and if she doesn’t answer it, that work may never be done. Joyce is deeply aware that there are people waiting for the help only God can give, and He often chooses to work through His people to meet those needs. That’s why Joyce is committed to answering God’s call on her life and inspiring other women to do the same, so together, we can be of greater service to God and one another.

Her life verse is John 17:4 (NIV), “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.”

She makes her home on the coast of South Carolina.

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Connect with Joyce:
Website: www.herrichlife.com
Facebook Ministry: www.facebook.com/groups/thepurposealignedwoman
Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/coachlabforaspiringchristianwomencoaches
Facebook: www.facebook.com/@HerRichLife
Instagram: www.instagram.com/herrichlife
Email address: joyce@herrichlife.com

Devotionals for the Heart: Jesus Christ can heal you, deliver and restore you

When Jesus Christ Anoints His Followers to Heal
A devotional by Essie Faye Taylor

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.”

—Luke 4:18 (KJV)

Note to Readers: *Trigger Warning* This devotional mentions domestic violence. If you’re experiencing domestic violence or need support, there are free resources online to help you stay safe. Such as: https://www.thehotline.org/

I am a domestic abuse survivor. I clearly remember the verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse I endured. I felt alone, disappointed, devastated, and angry.

I was angry at myself, my spouse, and with God. As a woman of faith, I felt trapped. So, I suffered in silence for years. During this time, I was consistently praying and crying and pleading with God to save my marriage. He couldn’t. And neither could I. But God did make a way for me to escape the marriage with my life. My spouse abandoned me and refused to do the work to reconcile.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Let’s talk about this. I want to assure you that God loves you unconditionally and He desires the best for you. Abuse was never His plan for you. Harm was never God’s plan for humanity.

In Luke 4:18, the physician-turned-disciple (Luke) gives an account of Jesus Christ’s self-proclaimed mission on earth. Jesus declared His God-ordained itinerary in the synagogue. He affirmed his ministry by referencing Isaiah 61:1-2, which is a prophetic message concerning Christ. There were several times during His ministry when Jesus hid or He said, “My time has not come.” This was not one of them. Jesus stepped into the light and boldly confirmed His identity and purpose to the Jewish community of that day.

Jesus said God had chosen and equipped him as our Deliverer and King (Colossians 1:13) as a priest (Hebrews 4:15) and prophet (Acts 3:22). He is our Messiah, the Anointed One. The Holy Spirit empowered Christ to preach Good News to those who were lacking. God sent Jesus to heal the brokenhearted—to minister to those who’d experienced loss. God sent Jesus to preach deliverance to those who were bound. God sent Jesus to restore the vision of a blind nation. The Jewish community was so spiritually blind that they could not even identify their Savior. Jesus was sent by God to free those who were mishandled.

This same Jesus lives today. He is present to heal and deliver us and restore our spiritual vision. He’s no longer the baby in the manger; He is Lord and King for all eternity. Jesus was crucified and buried in a grave, yet He rose on the third day and now lives forever! He is alive in our hearts and everyday experiences today. Our Savior (Jesus) is consecrated and chosen by God to heal our brokenness. Whether you are stuck in the past due to childhood trauma, or you are grappling with the aftermath of abuse or divorce, there is hope for you because of Jesus! No matter what struggle or pain you’re enduring, God is able to heal you. He can restore all that you’ve lost. I am a living witness to this fact!

The power of God restored my brokenness after I experienced domestic violence. He healed my wounded heart and set me free from the physical, mental, and emotional anguish of a toxic relationship. God taught me that His love for me is without condition. It far exceeds the capacity of human love. He assured me that His plans for me are good; He wants to prosper me. Bad things happen to good people who are God’s children because of the sinful world we live in. But the story doesn’t end there. Take it from me: Jesus flooded my hopeless experiences with hope in Christ. He turned my sadness into joy. He turned my pain into purpose. Today, I share the message of God’s unwavering love in the face of domestic abuse. Jesus loved me while I was in a toxic marriage, and He loved me out of it. He made a way for me to escape the presence, power, and practice of abuse.

Because Jesus heals, restores, and brings hope to hopeless situations, as His children, we are called to do the same. Because I’ve overcome domestic violence, I can reach out to those impacted by it and heal them through the power of God. I understand the experience because I’ve walked through it because of the victory of the cross. As a result, I am able to liberate others and mend broken hearts as I follow in the footsteps of Jesus. I am anointed, as He was, to fulfill the call of my Father (God) to go into all the world with the Good News of the Gospel—the news that Jesus saves, and He has called me to do the same. Christ has called you who believe in Him and have a testimony to share, to do His work of healing too.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father,

You are our God who cares so much for us that You made provision to keep on loving us even after we turned our backs on You. Even when we were against you, You made provision to liberate us and heal us. Healing belongs to us who are children of the King. You’ve anointed us to set those who are bound free. Help us to partner with You to heal ourselves, our lives, our communities, our families, our loved ones, our friends, and our enemies. Help us to heal people who are hurting. Teach us how to hold onto our faith in You no matter what we face in this life. Help us to inspire others to do the same. Thank You for hearing and answering our prayers. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Song of Reflection: “The God Who Stays” by Matthew West. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Essie Faye Taylor is a woman of faith. She’s a bilingual author, educator, speaker, psalmist, and interpreter. 

Essie is the author of the “Finding the Love You Deserve” series for women and teens. She is deeply committed to motivating minorities, women, and youth to heal themselves, love and accept themselves, and pursue God while chasing their dreams and carving out their life’s path.

Essie is a Chicago native where she lives today.

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Connect with Essie:
Website: www.essiefayetaylor.com
Amazon Author Page:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Essie%20Faye%20Taylor/author/B09XF3TC22
Listen to Essie’s music at https://on.soundcloud.com/X6DeoRXra7YoKcC2A.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_essie_faye/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.tate.39
Read Essie’s YouVersion Devotion Plan here: http://bible.us/r/Abn

Devotionals for the Heart: True Love

Love isn’t supposed to hurt
A devotional by Jessica Brodie

It started off innocently enough, like a sweet dream, but then it became a horrible reality that she couldn’t escape.

He caught her eye, said all the right things, and soon they were dating. Then came the jealousy—she was paying “too much attention” to her friends or her studies, she shouldn’t wear that because it “sent the wrong message,” it was her “fault” that man smiled at her, she shouldn’t tell her parents what he said because it would “make him look bad.”

Eventually, he snuck his way into controlling every aspect of her life. Her life centered on him. Angry words soon escalated. He’d punch a wall, break a glass. The first time he hit her, he bought her roses, swore it’d never happen again.

The last time he hit her, she wound up in intensive care.

Despite what singers on the radio might want us to believe, real love—true love—isn’t supposed to hurt. But we know all too well that it can hurt. It can even kill.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence is not just physical violence—black eyes and bruises. Sometimes the scars are invisible: threats, manipulation, yelling, humiliation. Sometimes it’s stalking someone online or following them wherever they go, or making them do things they don’t want to do.

And it happens all around us. According to the Center for Disease Control, one in four women and nearly one in 10 men have experienced physical, sexual, or stalking-related domestic violence during their lifetime, and more than 43 million women and 38 million men experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. These are not just headlines. This is happening every day to women—and men—all around us. People we know. People we see in our neighborhoods or in social settings.

With the vast amount of bad news we hear almost daily, it’s tempting to tune it out, rationalize it away, think it only happens to “someone else” or even turn off the news altogether. But as followers of Christ, as children of God, we cannot afford to harden or shield our hearts from tragedy. We must hear with open ears, see with eyes wide open, and do what we can to stand up and help whenever and wherever possible.

Data from the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Supplementary Homicide Report reveals that, nationwide, 92% of women killed by men were murdered by someone they knew and that the most common weapon used was a gun. Of the victims who knew their offenders, 62% were wives or other intimate acquaintances of their killers. Nearly 11 times as many females were murdered by a male they knew than were killed by male strangers.

This is not acceptable, and the Bible calls us to do something about this.

Proverbs 31:8-9 (NIV) says, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Jesus, in Matthew 25:40, says, “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

If you suspect someone you know is a victim, talk to her. Ask how you can help. Call the authorities. See what your church can do to get involved or whether domestic violence shelters in your area could use donations or support.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt.

As the apostle Paul writes about love, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

That is love. Jesus is love.

It’s time to do what we can to help spread awareness about what real love is and stop the violence.

*NOTE: Here is a short list of resources for victims of domestic violence ...

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 or visit them online at https://www.thehotline.org/

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (https://ncadv.org/) offers resources for victims and survivors of domestic violence here (https://ncadv.org/resources).

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Author Bio:

Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach and the recipient of the 2018 American Christian Fiction Writers Genesis Award for her novel, The Memory Garden.

She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism, and a member of the Wholly Loved Ministries team.

Learn more about her fiction and read her faith blog at http://jessicabrodie.com/shiningthelight.