Interview with Nichole J. Suvar about her book, I Don't Have to Hold It All Together: Cultivating the Peace of Eden When Feeling Overwhelmed
Alexis: Why did you write this book? Share the story behind its creation.
Nichole: Anxiety has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.
I have memories of panic attacks in early elementary school. It wasn't until I was 36 years old that I received a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and major depression. At that time, I started what I call a healing journey. I saw a doctor for medication, started seeing a counselor, and began learning tools that I could use to help me address this overwhelming anxiety.
One thing that kept coming back to me as I went through this healing journey was thinking about Eden and how absolutely lovely and perfect it had to have been. Coupled with my struggle with an anxiety disorder, was perfection, and the striving for control. Because we believe that when we can control things, it helps us feel less anxious.
I would often ask myself, what part of this life that I'm experiencing right now was good back in Eden, but now it's just a little distorted because of the fall.
And because I was thinking through that quite a bit, it led me to think about different areas that God has left here for us, different attributes of Eden, that we can cultivate in our lives to better understand our Father, our Creator, and to know His peace more deeply.
Alexis: In your book, you talk about God and His creation. How did your faith in God impact your writing of this book?
Nichole: The only reason I wrote this book is because of Jesus Christ. I tried for years to manage this anxiety on my own. I thought I had to get it all figured out and had to get myself together before I could be of any use in the Kingdom of God.
Because of that, I wasn't taking it all to the Father (God) and asking Him to help me relieve it. I saw those verses in Scripture that tell us to “cast our cares on Him” and “not to be anxious about anything” as commands, not invitations. But when I started seeing my Father as One who wants to come alongside me and relieve me of these burdens, it helped me draw closer to Him rather than hide from Him and shame.
Alexis: You talk about how you lived with undiagnosed anxiety for over 30 years. How did you survive? Share how your life changed after your illness was diagnosed and treated by doctors.
Nichole: Survival is a great way of putting it because I survived, but I was not thriving. I just held on and white-knuckled my way through life. I kept myself busy. I got a lot done. As a high-functioning anxious person, I had a lot of things on my plate, and I could get a lot of things done because anxiety was fueling all of it. But if I really allowed myself to stop and slow down, the anxiety would overwhelm me. So, I just kept moving.
I tried to read my Bible more and pray more, but it came to a point where I felt shame because I just could not get a handle on the anxiety. It wasn't until I had a diagnosis and realized that this generalized anxiety disorder is more than just someone who doesn't have enough faith and they're worried about something, but it was an actual thing going on inside of my body.
And when I could see it that way, my perspective changed because I saw it as something in my body that wasn't functioning as it should. And I have to keep bringing it back to God every day, looking to Him to be the strong One to bring me through it. Instead of being the strong one and relying on myself, I have to admit that I am weak and trust Him to be strong.
Alexis: Why do you think there is a rise of anxiety in our culture?
Nichole: We have access to anything and everything. We know way more than what we need. We are handling way more in our brains than we need to. We're moving through life at increasingly faster speeds. We know way more than what our brains were made to really handle. And we are connected at all times.
Because of that, we don't have these times where we have the space to really rest. We are not spending nearly as much time with our Father (God) as we should. A lot of that is replaced by screens, endless to-do lists, and crammed schedules. Plus, social media is prevalent and always gives us a reason to compare and feel like we're behind. All of that adds up to a culture of anxiety.
Alexis: If you could speak into the life of every person living with anxiety, what would you say to encourage them in only a few sentences?
Nichole: Anxiety can come from a lot of different directions. Sometimes the root is unconfessed sin we need to bring before God. It could be a relationship that needs to be addressed. It could be an actual diagnosis of something, meaning our hormones or brain chemicals are unbalanced. There could be a lot of reasons for the anxiety.
Regardless of the source, we need to take it to Jesus first. We need to bring Him into it with us. He wants to meet us in the middle of it and to help us. And so, our first step is to invite Him in.
You can struggle with anxiety and still have a deep relationship with Jesus. Struggling with anxiety does not disqualify you in the kingdom of God. Just make sure that you're taking it to Him instead of trying to handle it yourself.
Alexis: You made an interesting point about how we as humans have always been chasing peace in all the wrong places. Why do you think it’s like that for us?
Nichole: The fall distorted things and made us start to think that we were in control.
When we're in control, we start to believe we're also in control of peace. But the problem is, we manufacture the peace instead of going to our Father (God), the true source of peace. We're trying to build it ourselves by controlling situations, people, places, and things.
It's the enemy's lie to keep us focused on our own things, thinking that we can control it. Because when we believe we can control it, we aren't taking it to God.
Alexis: What is the solution to our ongoing search for peace?
Nichole: Jesus. And we need to see that every part of our life needs to be brought to Him, every little bit. Nothing is insignificant for Him. And when we are bringing Him into the middle of everything, even the messy parts, He is ready to carry it for us. He is ready to meet us there, be with us, and carry us through.
Alexis: How did God teach you to let go of perfectionism, control and endless activity?
Nichole: It is an ongoing lesson as I continue to learn more about how anxiety affects me.
I see that when I pursue perfectionism, control, and endless activity, I am leaving less room for God to be God. When I chase after perfectionism, control, and productivity, I'm putting myself on the throne.
And sometimes, in some seasons, it has to be a daily giving up of that throne. I want to keep putting myself on it, but God has shown me time and time again that when I'm willing to let things be less than perfect, allow him to be the One in control, and to actually embrace rest, I can walk into a deeper relationship with Him.
Alexis: You said that your book invites people to return to the garden God created, one where true peace is designed. What do you mean? Please explain how this will help them as they journey through this life on Earth.
Nichole: In my book, I talk about seven attributes of Eden that are still present here today, helping us access God's peace and know Him better. I call these things God's design for mental wellness. He does not want us to live in a state of overwhelm and hurry. He wants us to live with a trusting heart, resting in his provision and not our own.
When we look to cultivate these Edenic attributes in our lives, it has to be intentional. Think about when you start a garden, you have to do your part, which involves getting seeds, tilling up the ground, planting the seeds, and even giving them a first watering from a garden hose. But then after that, the sunshine, rain, little sprouts, blossoms, fruit, and vegetables—all of that comes from God.
We have to be intentional with our part in cultivating the garden. We have to go in and pluck out weeds, but all of the increase and growth and provision comes from God. And when we are cultivating these parts of Eden, we're doing the parts that we can, and we're trusting God to bring the increase, to bring the peace.
Alexis: You’ve mentioned that God’s original plan holds the answers to our deepest desires. How so? And what was His original plan?
Nichole: His original plan was for humans to be in the garden with Him, to walk in communion with Him, to be in complete rest and peace, to be surrounded by beauty and perfectness. That is God's original plan. So, when we look at His original plan, what parts of Eden has He designed for us to still enjoy today? And those are the attributes that I discuss in my book.
Alexis: You’ve said that we don’t have to keep searching for peace because it’s been available to us all along. What do you mean by this powerful point?
Nichole: The peace that’s been available all along comes from God. We try to manufacture our own peace by checking off the to-do list, organizing more things, and getting our schedule the way it should look.
We believe that when we have those in a certain way, we will be able to calm the chaos, and we'll feel more peaceful. But the truth is, all of that is manufactured by us, and the peace attached to it is fleeting. But God's peace is permanent and steadfast, even in the middle of any kind of chaos.
That is the peace that's been available to us all along.
Alexis: What do you want readers to take away from your book?
Nichole: I want the readers to experience life with their hands open, not grasping for control or creating their own comforts, but looking for ways God is providing for them and meeting them in the middle of their overwhelm, anxiety, and chaos. I want them to see how they can have a deeper relationship with Him when they choose to let Him be the one holding everything together, not them.
Alexis: Thanks for the interview, Nichole!
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Author Bio:
Nichole J. Suvar is an author and speaker who knows what it feels like to live overwhelmed, rushed, and stretched thin by anxiety.
Now, through her books, devotions, podcast, and speaking, she helps women slow down, understand what’s beneath the overwhelm, and step into a more grounded, purposeful life—one that reflects the peace God designed for them. She has published five books, her latest being I Don’t Have to Hold it All Together, Cultivating the Peace of Eden When Feeling Overwhelmed.
Nichole lives with her family in Northern Indiana. She collects chairs—the more colorful, the better—thinks all the best food is in sandwich form, and will stop everything to read a map. She’s a fan of hiking, cozy cardigans, and Earl Grey Tea, and she’s learning that life unfolds better with open hands instead of tightly held fists.
In the beginning, God poured His love into a garden.
The Bible begins with the story of creation. God builds a beautiful world . . . and a garden. In the garden of Eden, creation drank of God’s goodness and lived in His perfect peace. Yet since the fall of humanity, we’ve all struggled to find or create our own versions of Eden. We’ve been chasing peace in all the wrong places.
Nichole Suvar knows this all too well. Living with undiagnosed anxiety for over 30 years, she’s tried to build a garden of Eden through perfectionism, control, and endless activity. These self-made solutions only deepened her unrest.
I Don’t Have to Hold it All Together invites you to return to the garden God created, where true peace was designed, and discover how His original plan holds the answers to your deepest desires. Weaving personal stories, practical wisdom, and insights from experts, Nichole explores the deep truths embedded in God’s original garden, truths about communion with God, purpose, community, the goodness of creation, boundaries, true rest, and more.
The rise of anxiety in our culture reflects a broken search for peace. Readers are invited to cultivate a life that seeks after God’s original plan of peace and comfort and identify areas in their life where they have built their own false Eden.
The peace we’ve been searching for isn’t something we can create ourselves; it’s been available to us all along. Come receive His gift.
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