Devotionals for the Heart: Why we need to be honest in our relationships

The Necessity of Vulnerability
A devotional by Kayla de Jong

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”

—1 John 4:18 (NLT)

How does it feel when someone opens up to you?

I am usually flattered that the other person not only trusts me but also finds comfort in my listening. God creates all kinds of personalities. Some of us are more naturally reserved and have to make an effort to achieve intimacy in relationships. For me personally, it boils down to trust issues, which are rooted in fear. But, as the opening verse states, perfect love casts out fear.

Let me explain what this devotional is and what it is not: This devotional is for people like me who have struggled similarly and are striving for deeper, God-honoring connections. This is not a devotional on trust or even handling rejection, nor is it a secret recipe for perfect relationships that are free of hurt feelings.

I want to encourage you to be vulnerable in a way that strengthens the bonds of your relationships, including with God. God desires for us to be honest with ourselves, with Him, and with others. Being honest about how we feel, even if we are embarrassed to admit what we feel, can be a form of honesty. This is the first step in working through emotions or thought patterns that could lead to sinful behavior. Being honest about thoughts and feelings does not indicate that our thoughts and feelings are the truth. In fact, the opposite is often the case. When voicing our feelings to a God-fearing person who we can trust, it becomes easier to identify the lies of the enemy.

Please let me make something clear before continuing: I am not advocating that we put ourselves in situations that can be dangerous in an effort to be open with another person. And I’m certainly not saying that in order to initiate an intimate relationship we must start spewing all the traumas we have ever been through, hoping the other person might find something relatable in our monologues.

Likewise, being vulnerable with someone does leave room for rejection. Other people might not understand why you are talking about things so openly. It might intimidate them. That being said, do not focus on any perceived rejection you face. This causes rifts in relationships, and if you are like me, it will cause you to clam up and become cold and aloof. Don’t get me wrong, I understand how challenging it is to put these words into practice. I think it takes equal parts boldness and humility to be vulnerable.

Isn’t it comforting though when another Christian, especially one you have viewed as being very nearly sinless, confesses to you the struggles they have walked through? Aren’t you so thankful that person was vulnerable with you and allowed you to learn from their mistake or misfortune? Maybe you are thankful for their honesty, and it has made the bond between the two of you closer.

I’m going to be honest and vulnerable when I say that while drafting this devotional, I was tempted to avoid writing about my weaknesses and instead attack the sins I see in others as an indirect way of venting my frustrations with some relationships I have right now. As I admit this, I can scarcely believe how spiritually immature I sound! I’m glad God convicted me to write the devotional I would need. In other words, I am preaching to myself right now.

I could go on, but I think I have said enough to get you thinking about how you can put this message I’ve written to practical use. Is there someone in your life who you know God is calling you to start or repair a relationship with? Would it help if you began by being honest with that person? I do not mean confronting them about whatever wrong they may have done (that is a topic for another time). I am talking about asking God to help you remove the walls that you have allowed to guard you from being close to someone or to keep them out.

If even a small part of you identifies with what I have said and you want to change, start by praying the prayer below. And if the Holy Spirit guides you to pray about specific relationship struggles, heed that guidance. God has designed us for relationships, and He knows we are sinful, and we struggle to not let past hurts influence our decisions. God wants to help you form thriving relationships, and change starts by acknowledging you cannot change apart from God’s help.

Let’s Pray: God, I have allowed walls to be put up around my heart so that I am not close to (fill in name). I do not want to be cold and distant in my relationships. I want to shine the light of Your love. Help me to be vulnerable, open, and honest in a way that glorifies You. Let me live in love, not fear of rejection. In Jesus’s Name I pray. Amen.

Song of Reflection: “If We're Honest” by Francesca Battistelli. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Hi! I’m Kayla de Jong! 

I’ve lived in Indiana my whole life and was blessed to have been raised in a Christian household. I have an associate degree in library science and have worked in various libraries for over six years. I love reading and writing!

I have mostly written poems, some of which were published in the compiled works of a local writers guild. I am in the middle of seeking a new career. I would love to be an author, artist, or journalist. But most of all, I would love to be a stay-at-home mom someday.

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Connect with Kayla:
E-mail: kaylagmcdaniel@gmail.com