Words of Faith: Landi's story on hitting a wall and learning to trust God

Then I Hit a Wall... My Story on How I Learned to Trust God
A Words of Faith story by Landi Jackson-James

I am a planner. I plan my day. I plan my children’s day. I plan family vacations, family outings, household projects…I plan everything. Doesn’t everything require a plan? I am persistent, driven, and determined when I set out to accomplish something. I arm myself with a carefully thought out plan and make sure that, as much as possible, I leave every stone of possible disruption unturned. If my primary method doesn’t work then I have at least three others to exhaust before I reconsider the entire approach. After all, those who don’t plan, plan to fail and I for one, do not plan to fail.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you approach life in this manner or at the very least, do you know someone who does? This was me ten years ago after we had our first child. My husband and I found ourselves bringing her into this world, a world that was quite busy and hectic. I was in a Masters program, working full-time, and involved in several ministries at church. I panicked and turned to what I knew best and what the Project Management profession had taught me…plan every minute of the day and accomplish much! No? It doesn’t work like that? Not for humans? Well, I didn’t want to hear that. Fifteen months after our eldest daughter was born, came our second, and then fifteen months after our second child came our third and final child. Upon the arrival of each child, I updated our family plan and schedule, refusing to eliminate anything from our lives because we were capable and could do it all. It could all be planned and scheduled. Let’s roll out!

Fast forward to 2016...

Whew! The last two paragraphs made me exhausted by just writing them. I was a very courageous and daring woman ten years ago. That’s a nice way of putting it. I laugh at myself repeatedly when I reflect on what life was like, and I thank God for having an understanding and patient husband. We were busy beyond words and while I breastfed, I wrote papers for school. It was all quite frightening.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. There is nothing wrong with being a committed, driven, and dedicated individual who is intentional about success. We were all created uniquely beautiful, yet complex beings by our Creator and each attribute given should be fully embraced. Remember, He makes no mistakes. However, it is important to realize that our God-given abilities and attributes don’t become gifts until we partner with Jesus Christ in their use to serve others. Partnering with Christ brings balance and a perspective that will transform your abilities into life-changing agents.

Everything I described above, I was attempting to make a success without any assistance from our Heavenly Father. I could do it all. I just knew it! I didn’t trust Him enough to do it right and in the correct timing, so rather than slowing down long enough to LISTEN to His direction, I forged ahead.

When I consider the definition of “faith” as provided in Hebrews 11, it is the confidence of things hoped for and assurance of what we do not see. My issue was that I needed to see the end or at the very least, get a good idea of what the end should look like. This helped me to prepare my next move and always be one step ahead. I ALWAYS needed to be at least one step ahead.

Then I hit a wall.

I became severely anemic with a hemoglobin reading of 5.2 (normal range is 12 - 18). My doctor threatened blood transfusion, which I refused. Therefore, the agreed upon remedy was that I had to get iron drips to increase my levels back to normal, twice a week for six months. I had just finished my Masters program and was ready to tackle the corporate world. Nope. My husband told me to slow down and clear my schedule. Those were the longest six months of my life…the absolutely LONGEST…but I made it!

The awesome thing about our Heavenly Father is He knows AND He cares. I am sure he was sitting watching me, with His head tilted to the side, slowly shaking it back and forth saying, “Look at my child. She won’t let me do it.” At least that’s how I imagined it. Yet still, in His mercy, He stood by me in every decision I made and still guided me and opened doors that would lead me back to His will. Both God and I repeated this process for a long while. Eventually, God led me to a place where I trusted His attention to detail and developed the faith to just be still and listen.

Indeed, life has now changed and although it is still a process, I am living a life of peace and less stress as I continue to learn what it means to trust what I don’t see and have faith in God. However, what baffles me further is, in the midst of this peace and less stress, I have more doors open before me than I have ever had in my life. As I tell my kids,“Won’t He do it!” Praise God for this journey.

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Author bio:

Landi Jackson-James was born on the island of St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands. She left St. Thomas to further her education in Atlanta, GA. In 2000, Landi graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science in Computer Information Systems and later earned her Masters in Business Administration in Technology Management in 2007. 

Landi is the Director of the Office of Innovation at the Food and Drug Administration where she was requested to join the agency by the Chief Operating Officer to start up the Innovation Lab.

In the midst of her successful professional career, Landi created and founded LaLa Speakx, a coaching, mentoring, and motivational speaking company. LaLa Speakx seeks to uplift, empower, encourage individuality in greatness, and fulfillment of purpose. She hosts a monthly online talk show named "First Mondays with LaLa" on her LaLa Speakx YouTube channel. She uses this platform to discuss real life issues and concerns as submitted by online viewers. First Mondays with LaLa takes biblical principles and applies it to everyday life, in practical ways that encourage healthy living.

Landi has volunteered at women’s shelters, fed the homeless, volunteered at local middle and high schools and universities and built schools in Panama. She is a charismatic and influential leader with 15 years of Motivational Speaking and over 10 years of experience in Mentoring and Coaching.

Landi resides in Bowie, Md. with her husband, Al James and their three children.

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Connect with Landi:
Email - landi@lalaspeakx.com
Website - www.lalaspeakx.com
Facebook - www.facebook.com/LaLaSpeakx/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/LaLaSpeakx
YouTube Channel (LiveShow): www.youtube.com/c/LaLaSpeakxLive
LaLa Speakx, Inc. ~ (442) 7SP-EAKX ~ landi@lalaspeakx.com