A devotional by Jessica Brodie
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."
– 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV)
Last month, I shared four ways to love someone with depression (click here if you missed it).
This month, I offer five ways to love someone with anxiety.
Just like I have a number of family members with depression, I have others who struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, including one of my children. It’s not easy for them, and before I got more educated, it was hard for me to understand how to love them well in the midst of their road to mental health and recovery.
Many of these tips are rooted in scripture, for God created us, and God knows all about what it means to face our fears and strive to live well in the midst of our roiling, tumultuous emotions, thoughts, and responses.
Here are some things I’ve learned (five ways to love someone with anxiety):
Way #1: Get educated
First, get educated about anxiety. It’s important to know all we can about this disease and understand it isn’t something “invented” just because it can be invisible. Like cancer or diabetes, sometimes there is no physical evidence of anxiety, but it is very real. Knowing its effects, its triggers, and how to aid someone when they are having an anxiety episode can be both helpful and empowering. It can also be liberating and comforting for your loved one—they don’t have to explain or teach as much but can simply just be.
God gives us the Bible as a teaching tool. It contains much wisdom for how to love well and live in alignment with Him. We should read the Bible as a way to understand God and His people better. The Bible gives us so many reasons to “get educated” about God by reading His Word.
In 2 Timothy 3:16-17, we’re reminded, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”
Joshua 1:8 tells us the Book of the Law “shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”
Similarly, while anxiety education is not the same as knowing and “meditating on” God’s Word, it can be very helpful. It can equip us and help us live a more successful life.
Way #2: Accept them
Anxiety isn’t something that can go away on its own. It isn’t something you can “wish away” or “rise above.” It’s very real to the people that experience it, and those who have anxiety didn’t get it as punishment, nor are they not “good enough” or “Christian enough” because they have it. It’s a disorder.
Therefore, accepting them as they are can be a wonderful way to love them. Some people have anxiety all their lives, and others struggle with anxiety episodes that ebb and flow in different seasons or times of stress. It’s not your job to fix them or offer solutions.
In 1 Peter 4:8, we’re told, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
Love them as they are. It’s enough!
Way #3: Get physical
Sometimes we underestimate the effects of physical behavior when it comes to anxiety. Many people with anxiety feel like they’re trapped between fight or flight, yet the impending doom they sense creeps ever closer. They are frozen.
Helping your loved one “take flight” can help if that’s what they wish—offer to walk with them, or do some exercise. Distract them with physical activity like a chore or house project, or even just dance.
Or you can help your loved one “fight” by choosing to settle into the moment, to breathe, to sit there in their own space until the anxiety event passes.
Way #4: Establish yourself as a safe person
Anxiety can feel very chaotic and slippery. It can help people with anxiety to know there are certain constants in their life they can count on. That’s why things like square breathing, guided breaths, or meditation can help. So can other faith-oriented practices like prayer walks.
Also, having a number of trusted, supportive people in their life, who they can go to and talk or simply be, is helpful. You can establish yourself as a “safe person” by being authentic and stable, and truly keeping their best interest at heart. Don’t take it personally if they lash out, say “no” when you offer something, or cancel plans—understand that could be the anxiety. It doesn’t mean you need to accept abusive behavior, but it does mean you should let reason and love rule your relationship, not fluctuating feelings.
Security and boundaries can be very helpful when it comes to anxiety. Being a safe, secure person whose boundaries they can identify and respect helps because they know how to act with you. They know they can talk to you.
James 1:17 tells us God is the “father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
And Hebrews 13:8 tells us “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
Point your loved one to the unchanging, ever-constant Person of God, who loves them now and forever. And try your best to be like the unchanging Jesus, who loves always and is our forever “safe person” even when everything else in life seems like it’s falling apart.
Way #5: Be affirming
Don’t forget the power of an authentic, encouraging affirmation. If your loved one does something nice, thoughtful, or courageous, don’t be shy about letting them know you noticed and appreciate it.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, we’re told to “encourage one another and build one another up.”
People with anxiety sometimes feel like they’re floundering in a sea of doubt and negativity. Fears pile up, and they get overwhelmed. A positive affirmation or other appreciative message can counteract that spirit of negativity.
First, get educated about anxiety. It’s important to know all we can about this disease and understand it isn’t something “invented” just because it can be invisible. Like cancer or diabetes, sometimes there is no physical evidence of anxiety, but it is very real. Knowing its effects, its triggers, and how to aid someone when they are having an anxiety episode can be both helpful and empowering. It can also be liberating and comforting for your loved one—they don’t have to explain or teach as much but can simply just be.
God gives us the Bible as a teaching tool. It contains much wisdom for how to love well and live in alignment with Him. We should read the Bible as a way to understand God and His people better. The Bible gives us so many reasons to “get educated” about God by reading His Word.
In 2 Timothy 3:16-17, we’re reminded, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”
Joshua 1:8 tells us the Book of the Law “shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”
Similarly, while anxiety education is not the same as knowing and “meditating on” God’s Word, it can be very helpful. It can equip us and help us live a more successful life.
Way #2: Accept them
Anxiety isn’t something that can go away on its own. It isn’t something you can “wish away” or “rise above.” It’s very real to the people that experience it, and those who have anxiety didn’t get it as punishment, nor are they not “good enough” or “Christian enough” because they have it. It’s a disorder.
Therefore, accepting them as they are can be a wonderful way to love them. Some people have anxiety all their lives, and others struggle with anxiety episodes that ebb and flow in different seasons or times of stress. It’s not your job to fix them or offer solutions.
In 1 Peter 4:8, we’re told, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
Love them as they are. It’s enough!
Way #3: Get physical
Sometimes we underestimate the effects of physical behavior when it comes to anxiety. Many people with anxiety feel like they’re trapped between fight or flight, yet the impending doom they sense creeps ever closer. They are frozen.
Helping your loved one “take flight” can help if that’s what they wish—offer to walk with them, or do some exercise. Distract them with physical activity like a chore or house project, or even just dance.
Or you can help your loved one “fight” by choosing to settle into the moment, to breathe, to sit there in their own space until the anxiety event passes.
Way #4: Establish yourself as a safe person
Anxiety can feel very chaotic and slippery. It can help people with anxiety to know there are certain constants in their life they can count on. That’s why things like square breathing, guided breaths, or meditation can help. So can other faith-oriented practices like prayer walks.
Also, having a number of trusted, supportive people in their life, who they can go to and talk or simply be, is helpful. You can establish yourself as a “safe person” by being authentic and stable, and truly keeping their best interest at heart. Don’t take it personally if they lash out, say “no” when you offer something, or cancel plans—understand that could be the anxiety. It doesn’t mean you need to accept abusive behavior, but it does mean you should let reason and love rule your relationship, not fluctuating feelings.
Security and boundaries can be very helpful when it comes to anxiety. Being a safe, secure person whose boundaries they can identify and respect helps because they know how to act with you. They know they can talk to you.
James 1:17 tells us God is the “father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
And Hebrews 13:8 tells us “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
Point your loved one to the unchanging, ever-constant Person of God, who loves them now and forever. And try your best to be like the unchanging Jesus, who loves always and is our forever “safe person” even when everything else in life seems like it’s falling apart.
Way #5: Be affirming
Don’t forget the power of an authentic, encouraging affirmation. If your loved one does something nice, thoughtful, or courageous, don’t be shy about letting them know you noticed and appreciate it.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, we’re told to “encourage one another and build one another up.”
People with anxiety sometimes feel like they’re floundering in a sea of doubt and negativity. Fears pile up, and they get overwhelmed. A positive affirmation or other appreciative message can counteract that spirit of negativity.
~*~
Let’s Pray: Dear Father God, help me to understand anxiety, like any other illness, does not define a person but is an obstacle they encounter in life. Help me see it is valid and can be devastating in spite of the fact that it can be invisible. Help me love well and true, and remember to point to you as the ultimate model for how to love: with compassion, mercy, sacrifice, and grace. In your holy name I pray, Amen.
~*~
Author Bio:
Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach, and the recipient of the 2018 American Christian Fiction Writers Genesis Award for her novel, The Memory Garden.
Learn more about her fiction and read her faith blog at http://jessicabrodie.com.
Helpful. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteA much needed message. Many with anxiety can't express what they need. You've done a great job helping us understand better.
ReplyDeleteWhen a life situation shattered my world several years ago, I suffered from anxiety for the first time in my life. Everything you mention above was helpful to me, especially quiet acceptance. The few people who told me to get over it were not helpful.
ReplyDeleteI would add one thing that nudged me out of fear. As a listener to the suffering person, a simple question to get them thinking of a possible future is also helpful. Things like: "Would it work for you if you_________" The listener is offering suggestions without pressure. If the anxious person bats down the idea, okay. But maybe a seed was planted.
Excellent message. Thank you for sharing this tips. :-)
ReplyDeleteWonderful words of wisdom. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteSuch great insight and advice. After a friend told me she spent several weeks in the hospital after a breakdown, someone gave her husband a book on this same topic.
ReplyDelete