On Godly love and stepping back
A devotional by Jessica Brodie
I love my kids. If I’m not careful, they have the danger of becoming idols in my life, distracting me from God, but still—I love them. God created me to love them. It’s part of my job as a mom and as a woman.
But I have a little bit of a problem. See, I come at this with the best of intentions, but as a driven, Type A kind of person, if I see an issue, I immediately want to fix it. So when my kids are struggling, my instinct is to swoop in and attack the so-called predator. While I refuse to do her work for her, if my daughter is having trouble with math homework, I don’t hesitate to sit down and help her find her way through. If my son is having a conflict with a peer and asks me for advice, we could talk an hour about the many ways to get past it. If my stepson loses his special bag somewhere in the mess of the playroom, we find it then and there.
On the one hand, yes—it’s good to be there for my kids. It’s a good thing to support them and guide them. They’re not yet adults, and that’s why God tasked us parents with being responsible figures in their lives to model, teach, and help them.
But here’s the thing: There’s a fine line between guiding them as a parent and swooping in as an enabler and saving them from their problems. Even if I’m not doing the actual work for them, by rescuing them from their problems, they’re not understanding what it means to have that valley experience, that wilderness, that critical low when they realize they’ve exhausted all options and their only hope is in the Lord.
By trying to help them, to love them, sometimes I’m actually hurting them. I’m stifling their emotional development and their spiritual development.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding,” says Proverbs 3:5 (NIV).
Lately, I’ve been working on stepping back and letting them figure out their own way through things. So if my daughter is stumbling over her math sheet but all she really needs is moral support, I sit back and tell her to work it out. I’m in the vicinity, but I don’t need to be there at the table with her step by step. If my son is venting about a classmate, instead of offering up the many solutions I can think of, I just listen. At the end I’ll ask him what he thinks he should do—or better yet, what Jesus would do in his situation.
I am not perfect at any of this. I am learning as I go. But I’m trying, and I think that’s half the battle.
The other day, my kids were talking about a problem and I was nearby. Instead of getting involved in their conversation, I pressed my lips together and listened. And then I heard my son ask my daughter, “Well, is that what Jesus would do in this situation?”
I did a silent mom-cheer.
A few nights ago, my daughter was really stressed out and had a stomachache, which is her go-to complaint whenever she gets anxiety. I kissed her on her for head and said I was so sorry for her. Then instead making a suggestion, I kept my mouth shut.
Then her own words came: “Mommy, I think we should ask God to help my stomach.” Yes!
This New Year, I pray I can love my kids in a way that helps them be better children of God. I pray I can rein in my own desire to “rescue” them, and instead help them figure out how to surrender to God on their own.
~*~
Author Bio:
Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach and the recipient of the 2018 ACFW Genesis Award for her as-yet-unpublished novel, The Memory Garden.
She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism.
Learn more about her fiction and read her blog at http://jessicabrodie.com/shiningthelight.
My Review for Hearts of Spring, A Movie for The Hallmark Channel
Just in time for the warm weather season, Hearts of Spring is a delight and will bring a smile to full bloom on your face! It will also make you appreciate the beauty and special meaning of various flowers while restoring your hope in true love.
Lisa Whelchel leads the sweet story about a single mom (Carly Ashby) who is balancing the raising of her daughter Sadie (Clancy Cauble, who happens to be Lisa’s real-life daughter), with running her flower shop and blogging, which is her true passion. She blogs under the name, “Bestie Mom.”
Enter Dr. Andy Sommers (Michael Shanks), a pediatrician who’s popular with the ladies, and Lisa’s life is thrown off balance. Dr. Sommers moonlights online as “Jugglingdad.” He challenges Bestie Mom’s parenting advice to her readers with contrasting comments of his own. His challenging and at times, disparaging comments rile Lisa but at the same time, intrigue her and pique her interest. It is the back and forth banter and verbal brawl that drives more traffic to Lisa’s blog and makes the readers look forward to the next comment.
Lisa does not know that Andy is ‘Jugglingdad.’ When she first meets him, she falls in love with his personality and heart. He’s a good-looking guy but it’s their friendship and mutual respect for each other as parents that draws them close.
The tension between Andy and his son Troy is evident from the first few scenes of their interaction. It’s clear that Andy’s strict parenting style that he uses to raise his teenage son, is not working as well as he hoped. His son has moments where he resents his dad for keeping him on a short leash such as enforcing an early curfew on a school night. However, when Andy starts dating Carly, his rules begin to relax and he starts to listen to his son about his life instead of bossing him around and enforcing strict rules with no breathing room. It's clear from the start that Carly and Andy have their own unique challenges of raising their kids. It’s interesting how they end up helping each other better understand their kids. Andy’s advice to Carly about how to raise her daughter plays a significant role in this movie too.
The cinematography of this movie was colorful and well lit. I especially enjoyed the colors of Carly’s flower shop. The picture inside the store was vibrant and the flowers nearly come alive on the screen. The color scheme throughout the movie matched each scene and was the perfect hue. The lighting gently graced and enhanced the skin tones of the actors. The viewer of the movie truly saw the characters in their “best light.”
The tone of this movie is sweet and soft. There’s conflict but the tone remains calm despite the series of upsets. It gives the audience hope that the movie will end on an up note. However, there are moments that make you wonder how the story will pan out in the end, which is good because it keeps the viewer’s attention.
The instrumental music in the movie is used to whet the viewer’s appetite from the opening scene of the movie. It’s also used in strategic places in the movie to build tension. The music fits the movie like a tailored suit.
The acting is second to none. Each actor embodies their character and plays their role with ease and confidence. They truly make the viewer believe that Carly is a florist who’s not looking for love and that her daughter Sadie is a free spirit who wants to travel the world before going to college and that Dr. Andy Sommers needs a life outside of work and a wife.
I cannot share more without giving away the plot. I can say though, that this movie deserves a “thumbs up” for every point. It’s a beautiful story that’s relatable to real life.
Watch Hearts of Spring on The Hallmark Channel this Saturday night (April 9) at 9:00 p.m. (EST)
