Speak Life with Love
A devotional by Joyce M. Averils
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
—Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
She is someone with whom I’ve shared life, laughter, and legal war stories with for decades. As part of the celebration, each guest was invited to share a recorded memory or favorite story about the birthday girl.
One particular video brought a chuckle from the crowd but had me squirming in my seat. The story took place many years ago when the birthday girl, another friend and I were all young attorneys trying to find our footing in a profession that was not always welcoming to women. We had noticed that a new, younger attorney who was smart, driven, and full of promise, was struggling to be taken seriously by the senior attorneys.
So, we did what we thought was wise at the time: We invited her to lunch and gave her “the talk.” Not about work ethic, skill development, or networking. No, we told her that her skirts were too short and her tops too low-cut. We didn’t pull any punches. We told her flat out: If she wanted to advance, she needed to change the way she dressed. Needless to say, our unsolicited advice didn’t land well. In fact, it earned us a nickname that still haunts me to this day: the “Fashion Police.”
When I heard the story retold at the party, I cringed. Not because the story wasn’t true, but because of how we handled it. Even though we meant well, our delivery lacked grace, compassion, and love. Have you ever had one of those moments when you said the right thing the wrong way or at the wrong time? Maybe you had good intentions, but your words caused harm rather than help.
That day, we failed to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). And that’s where everything went sideways. Here are some lessons I’ve learned over the years regarding the power of our words in relation to others:
Lesson #1: Truth Without Love is Just Noise
There’s a reason Paul tells us in Ephesians to speak the truth in love. Truth without love is harsh. It’s like tossing a stone when someone needs a hand. Yes, our words were true, but they weren’t tender. And they weren’t asked for.
Looking back, I realize we hadn’t invested enough in a relationship with her. We hadn’t earned the right to speak into her life in such a personal way. There’s an old saying: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” That day, our colleague didn’t feel our care, she felt our criticism.
Lesson #2: Words that Build, Not Break
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” Our words are meant to edify, not tear down. Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) reminds us that “the tongue has the power of life and death.” Our words can breathe life into someone's dreams or snuff them out entirely.
That young attorney later confessed that our comments had made her question her career path. Thank God she didn’t quit. Thank God she pressed on and has since enjoyed a successful, impactful legal career.
I’m ashamed that my words almost became a stumbling block. I wanted to help, but I let judgment speak louder than love.
Lesson #3: Peace Requires Prayer
1 Thessalonians 5:13 (NIV) encourages us to “live in peace with each other.” Peace doesn’t just happen. It requires intention. Encouraging words promote peace. Careless words create confusion. After that unfortunate lunch, we didn’t just stir up gossip, we stirred up division.
If I had prayed before speaking, things might have gone differently. But in my pride and certainty, I never stopped to ask God, “Is this how You would have me handle this?”
That’s a lesson I carry with me now: Praying to God for wisdom in what you say before speaking is a spiritual discipline. The Holy Spirit is our Counselor and Guide. If we truly want to build others up and reflect Christ in our conversations, we must invite Him into our words.
James 1:19 (NIV) gives us the blueprint: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” That verse alone could save us from a world of regret.
Lesson #4: Let’s Be Life-Givers
As women of faith, we are called to be life-givers. Not just in what we do, but in what we say. We all have moments we wish we could take back, words we wish we could unsay. But even in those moments, there is grace. God redeems, teaches, and transforms. My unfortunate experience taught me to pause, to pray, and to speak with care. I never want to be remembered for being “right” more than I’m remembered for being kind.
Conclusion: Let’s be women who speak life. Let’s commit to building bridges, not walls. Let’s speak truth but let’s do it with gentleness, wisdom, and love. Because in the end, it’s not just what we say. It’s how we say it, and why.
Let’s Pray: Lord, help me to speak with wisdom, compassion, and grace. Teach me to be slow to speak and quick to listen, always seeking to build others up and not tear them down. Holy Spirit, guide my words so that they reflect Your love and truth. May every word I say bring life, healing, and peace to those around me. In Jesus’s Name I pray. Amen.
Song of Reflection: “Words” by Hawk Nelson. Listen to it here.
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Author Bio:
Joyce M. Averils is an attorney by education and a retired judge who currently works as a Life Purpose and Business Empowerment Coach.
She attended the University of South Carolina where she received her Bachelor of Arts degree in Humanities and Social Sciences, with a concentration in Political Science in May 1981. Upon graduation from the University, she attended The Ohio State University’s Moritz College of Law, where she graduated with a Juris Doctor degree in June 1984. Joyce was admitted to the Georgia Bar in November of 1984.
During her legal career, she served as the legal advisor for an episode of the American television program “Designing Women”. She also successfully argued a zoning case before the Georgia Supreme Court.
Today, she is the founder of Averils Omnimedia, LLC, which includes Her RICH Life Coaching, where she helps high-achieving women of faith create a purpose-aligned life and business through coaching programs, workshops, and retreats.
She recently launched 26th & Alden Paper Design House which will release its first paper product in 2025.
Joyce believes that God created women to do extraordinary things by walking fully in their purpose, calling, and assignment. She knows that each woman has a unique calling that only she can fulfill, and if she doesn’t answer it, that work may never be done. Joyce is deeply aware that there are people waiting for the help only God can give, and He often chooses to work through His people to meet those needs. That’s why Joyce is committed to answering God’s call on her life and inspiring other women to do the same, so together, we can be of greater service to God and one another.
Her life verse is John 17:4 (NIV), “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.”
She makes her home on the coast of South Carolina.
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Connect with Joyce:
Website: www.herrichlife.com
Facebook Ministry: www.facebook.com/groups/thepurposealignedwoman
Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/coachlabforaspiringchristianwomencoaches
Facebook: www.facebook.com/@HerRichLife
Instagram: www.instagram.com/herrichlife
Email address: joyce@herrichlife.com
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