Devotionals for the Heart: Grief

God of My Closet Floor
A devotional by Cyndi Staudt

“I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.” 

– Psalm 139:7-8 (NLT)

As ribbons of light peeked their way through the blinds, I was instantly aware something was amiss. The familiar fur head piece that typically wove itself around my head was missing. My Harley had never made his way onto my pillow the night before which was quite unusual for him. As my feet found the floor, he wandered his way into the bedroom.

Taking his customary post on the bathroom floor he waited patiently for me to complete my morning dental routine before heading to the kitchen to prepare his breakfast. When the next morning revealed the same odd behavior change, I made a note on my calendar and scheduled a vet visit for a few days later. Little did I know that three weeks, two ER visits and two oncology visits later my faithful feline friend would be gone.

Psalms 36:6 affirms that God cares for people and animals alike. So, I admit without reservation that the sadness and heart break I have experienced since Harley died has been like no other. It has brought me to my knees in moments of weeping where I have asked God why He didn’t just take me too. At times I have felt that I might be swallowed by the grief that consumes me. My shattered heart seems beyond repair. But God.

The Bible tells us God is everywhere but sometimes it feels like He is nowhere. It’s in those moments where we have to walk by faith and stand on the promises God has made in His Word. Promises to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Promises to be near to the broken-hearted (Psalms 34:18). Promises to collect all my tears in a bottle (Psalms 56:8). And the promise that one day God will wipe away all the tears from our eyes, and there will be no more death, no more sorrow, no more crying, and no more pain (Revelation 21:4). Our feelings deceive us, but our God never does. Our feelings may fail us, But God never will. Our faith may falter but God is forever faithful.

It’s easy to feel God’s presence when serving on the mission field or in the midst of a worship night at church. When we are experiencing Holy Spirit highs or basking in God’s blessings His nearness is almost palpable. But He is no farther away and no less God when our world seems to be crumbling around us. When we receive a cancer diagnosis, need a job, our marriage falls apart or we lose a loved one, He is still nearby and sitting on His throne in complete control.

I spent time on my closet floor this morning remembering my final moments with Harley and you know what I discovered? The God of the mountain tops and mission trips is also the God of my closet floor. The God of joy in the morning is also the God of weeping in the night. The God of peace that surpasses all understanding is also the God of profound pain. The God of hope is also the God of the hurting. The God of blessing to overflow is also the God of the broken-hearted. Our house feels like a Grand Canyon of emptiness that only the fullness of God can fill.

My heart harbors a God-sized gap that only He can satisfy. Deep grief is the price of great love.

And He is the God of them both.

Let’s Pray: Gracious Father, when the trials and pressures of this world seem too much to bear, help us remember to draw near to You because when we do, You promise You will draw near to us. You have assured us we will have trouble in this world, but also remind us to have faith because You have overcome the world. In our darkest moments, You are the Light of the world. When we pass through the waters, you promise to be with us. When we go through rivers, you ensure they will not overwhelm us. When we walk through the fire you guarantee we will not be burned and the flames will not consume us. We never have to go searching for You, because You are always near. Even when we don’t see it, feel it, or believe it, You are working and moving on our behalf. You are for us and not against us and are forever on Your throne. Help us to not just read these promises in Your Word but believe them to be truth in our lives. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

*Note from Alexis: Cyndi’s devotional message reminds me of the song “Beauty for Ashes” by Crystal Lewis. Listen to it here.

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Author Bio:

Cyndi Staudt is a Jesus-loving, adrenaline junkie who is devoted to living her life for Jesus Christ until the day she is living with Him. 

With a passion for cultivating a craving for God’s Word, her devotions and Bible studies are saturated with faith and hope to stir your soul to connect with God in deeper, more intimate ways.

Through her writing she hopes to ignite your desire to read God’s Word, invite your heart to experience God’s love, and inspire you to live your live life “souled out” to the One whose love has no limits.

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Connect with Cyndi:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/souledoutcyndi/